Astrology Fulla Rompolicious Stoopid For A Planet Packin’ Big Time Frickin’ Crap

divine astrologer promoting eternal radianceSlide thumbnail

Get Real. Get Off. Get Thrillsum.

Princess Balestra

Astrology Nooz Type Stuffs

Prolly you should try here first.

It is way more sensible than goofin’ around at random.  Trust me.

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Here Be HOROSCOPE SMARTS, Sweetiepoppets

Gotta figure catch-all Daily Predictions mebbe ’bout as frickin’ useless as a 100% lambswool DICK, but I drops ’em anyways —

along with razor-sharp insights into contemporary issues bearin’ down on the world, Zombie & Cosplay stuffs,

an’ whatever reactionary assholin’ around takes my fancy.

So … you wanna see what cool stuff today is packin’ or WHAT ….?

Hit Me With My FYOOTURE, O Princess!
In the beginnin’, there was zilcho.
Then a buncha planets got together an’ maxed out on sum Cosmic dance troupe ensemble schwango.

They got frilly tutus, stoopid capes, whole interconnecto ditza spangly maneuvers.

An’ they tugged sweet on one another sans goober collision as they shimmied round a big balla fire.

Tellya, that is sum story, sum celestial narrative.

Cos zappo close to the center, on the loonest kisseda rockballs out there, ya got you an’ I (plus kittens).

We are peerin’ out, tryin’ to figure Mother Cosmosis (prolly in our favo frickin’ sneakers).

We hoomans’re legends among the stars, Zodiacal hemorragesa archetypal conflux hangin’ out in coffee bars.

So, hey — wanna rock out on sum celestial booby doo avec Moi? Or areya too smart for frickin’ astrology?

Thing is, alla that space dust an’ space rock an’ space vapor don’t frickin’ care either way whatcha think.

So if material substance in motion gotta choose, it is either YOU or sum crocodile beest zapped all mutantbraino nooclear...' no way you gonna let no stoopid reptiles stealya precious future. Ain't that right?

'Specially seein' as them mutant reptile beests got no frickin' table manners cozza their stoopid forked tongues.

So come on in.

Kick back, flop out, and prepareta get gooey droolsum withya favo planets.

Yup. 'Fraid so.

I am not kiddin' here...

best astrology blog for motivation and wisdom


Seems to Moi you got three choices.

First is to Google ‘astrology articles’ an’ await whatevah vomit shower is gowin’ down right now — which also prolly means shoppin’ online for waterproof undergarments.

Second is to await a miracle — but when was the las’ time that happened on a planet multitaskin’ ecological disaster, deloosional dictators with their hands on alla the fake noooz, an’ a mania for gals look like they injected their butts with hippo stomach tumors?

Third is … hey, mebbe jus’ read on an’ quit wastin’ your life, yanno?

I got a whole buncha real swanky astro stuffs here — all wrote out when I was srsly engulfed by alla the key celestial vapors.

Feel free to check out my wise Astro Counsel, Zodiac fiends …

Uranus in Taurus transit 2018 is 5 ways revolutionary


Plenty big planetary nooz crackin’ off in the Cosmos for 2019 — but this baby is the Prime Astrogasmal Juicer, tellya!

This is real spurious celestial conflict wants WAY COOL SHIT to happen.

You with me here on the comin’ decade’s most zestily uncertain EXCITEMENT ticket?

Or you jus’ plain stoopid?

Flip Me Dinkily!
astrology motivation for new year resolution


Sumtimes, stuff gotta die so’s noo shit can thrive — an’ here’s where I dish the deets on essential transformation.

Originally written for Noo Year 2017, this unashamedly positive reflection packs all the firepowah you need when your confidence is bombed, your world is lost, an’ you clean outta decent bras.

Want sum serious evergreen motivation?

Arouse Me Immodestly!
astrology nirvana got no kurt cobain grunge wank


Nuthin’ beats relaxin’ on the sofa with a dumb ol’ Facebook Astrology Quiz.

Only problem is — who wants to be dumb when they could be so spirityooly enlightened their eyeballs light up all Neon?

So are you up for discoverin’ your Astrology Nirvana Secrets — or are you perfectly content to carry on drainin’ the Zodiac mooshie from outta Zuckerberg’s anodynely effusive dickhole?

Treat Me Perkily!


FFS you lousy ditzbrain Princess! I am a GROWN UP

and I can make my OWN CHOICES about what astrology articles ima read or not read —

so get the hell outta my face with your lousy suggestions


before I get so ANGRY

I take a swing at your STOOPID FUCKIN’ CHOPS?


What In Hell Is Astrology —

And Why Should I Care?

You Think I Am Some Sort Of Imbecile, O Princess?

Hey, slow down willya?

I got a lotta balls to juggle here without this kinda aerial bombardmenta inquisition.

Thing is, you should care because we got fusiona past, present an’ future gowin’ on, an’ that is sum happnin’ conflux, tellya.

Walk away from that, you gonna prolly cease to exist as a sentient bein’ fulla potential (unless you are wearin’ leather pants, in which case your inevitable demise might leave the resta us with sumthin’ to remember you by).

Thing is, there is attraction an’ repulsion between material beings.

Throw in hooman emotion, a splasha celestial vapors, an’ alla that is magnified.

Or ain’tcha never kissed no one?

Brief Treatise On Kissin’

Scenario 1 — sum divine figmenta deliciousness touches onya neck all soft an’ sweet…

…equals *instasquee*.

Scenario 2 — Concrete Tongue Stinky Person invades oneya finer crevices by surprise…



Pointa astrology is not rocket science.

Jus’ think for a sec about how an’ whereya are right now.

Everythin’ rolled in from the past jus’ so

…an’ now it is rollin’ out toward…

…what, exactly?

What kinda kissa possibilies?

Howya gonna put sum shape to shit don’t exist yet?

Thing is, Mother Cosmosis is fulla perpetually unfoldin’ stories — gossamerlicious to heartblade twistinya gut — an’ you gotta watch her close, drill down on re-imaginin’ the plotta sum book purportin’ to be already written.

Yeah, mebbe that is my kinda astrology.

You want in on this?

Mebbe stick around, see what happens …

*** Rockitz ***

Dare to enslipstream the stars.

Your shot — first and last — is all ours.

No echo of blast, no fall.

Firepower blazed over thrall.

astrology archive for fame and fortune klutzed


Problem I got with bein’ a super visionary astrology person is how my way cool ability to gaze upon the fyooture an’ rock out on maxo speculative Foretellismo don’t work backwards regardin’ the past.

An’ we all that way in the end, Sweetie — perfectly powerless to change what is done an’ dead an’ gone.

But, hey — mebbe you a way pernickety Virgo who fancies usin’ my old monthly horoscopes as analysis fodder … or mebbe you a Scorpio still furious with Moi ’bout a personal counselin’ session nevah worked out too good, an’ you figure TRASHIN’ MY PREDICTIVE OUTPUT gonna tits me out real good whenya pull your $1m lawsuit.

Or mebbe you jus’ kickin’ yourself cos you nevah discovered my superlative scryin’ talents back when your life was so darned crap prolly you woulda consulted a frickin’ OTTER.

Anyways, whatevah you dowin’ here crawlin over the past like sum dumb inverted dung beetle kickin’ its legs against empty air, here’s my 2017-2018 Horoscope Archive …

How Come I Never Found You Sooner, O Princess? Show Me Your 2017-2018 Monthly Horoscope Secrets Before I Keel Over and DIE!
I Have Zero Patience For Your Infantile Shenanigans, You Airhead. Just Show Me The Month You Goofed Around Till Your Brain Fell Outta Your Panties!


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“Slither deep into my mystical vestibule, O seekers of Truth Incarnate. I got Netflix, I got Nachos, I got Norwegian Sangria real cheap from the store, so prolly we can party big time while I spill the beans on what it is to be a beautiful ball of human deliciousness stranded in a Universe packing naught but dust and death.”

Mother Cosmosis

Gowan — Squirt This Baby Around Like Fizzin' Champagne