Lightin’ Fuses Is For Blowin’ Stuff Togethah
THE PRINCESS BALESTRA STORY
why consoom prefabricated brandin’ vahmit whenya can trust I gonna squirt stuff at random?
Friends who wanna twist a dagger in my ass call me Vicky.
They seen what Mom wrote out on my diapers between my first name an’ my surname — an’ they think it is FUNNY.
Herein lies the origin of the natchrl bonhomie manifested presently as Princess Balestra.
Gotta figure anywan with a monicker like VICK TOOR EEYAAAHR be destined eithah for regal heights or a lifetime of clandestine serial killin’ allied to a penchant for visually threatenin’ leathahwear big on kink.
Give a gal any kinda choice, an’ she will run off with evrythin’.
So, hey, that is Moi.
You don’t gotta know my first name, so jus’ call me Princess.
Things I love inclood (but are not limited to) Yogah, writin’, dancin’, smoochie, filosophy an’ bunnies.
A marketer pal says I should put sumthin’ like ‘Inspiration Facilitator and Co-ordinator for Intuitive Values-based Individuals and Organizations aspiring to Eco-motivated Visions for Global Success’ but I told her she was off her fuckin’ tits.
So I figure Unenslaved Optimist covers the Balestra ethos jus’ fine.
If’n anythin’ should happen to make me change my mind, likely I will make sum kinda announcement — but I don’t see Gaaahdzilla droppin’ outta the sky any time soon.
This OK for a bio?
Gotta hope so.
My Manifold Talents
(What my fam call my ‘mysteriously inherited ineptitude’)
I love so much how technology has made all kindsa stuff possible. Back in the day, folks had to scratch out their resumes on dried frickin’ pig flesh, but thanks to science, li’l ol Moi can offer up a real dinky visyool aid gonna show in a flash what a total ditz I am.
Tellya, if Neanderthals had figured shit like this, they woulda invented fire way quicker, possibly even trainahs.
I got no immediate plans to become abominable, but since I hit 30 weird hairs started sproutin’ in places they shouldn’t, so that is mebbe a signal that I am morphin’ into sum nightmare creature from a foul dimension — or mebbe jus’ that I should go buy sum noo tweezers insteada wastin’ alla my cash on coffee tastes like a skunk peed in it.
Douse me in sunlight.
Float me in air.
Be with me sweetly.
What else is there?