GRRRRR! GNASH! PISSYPANTS!
OMG you ragin’ like a wild animal.
Screamin’, lashin’ out, real frickin’ dangerous.
An’ why so?
BCS SUM DUMB FUCKIN’ WAY STOOPID SHIT BE GOWIN’ DOWN, AN’ YOUR TRIGGER JUS’ FIRED OFF SO HARD YOU GOT FIREBALLS BLASTIN’ OUTTA ALLA YOUR HOLES.
Why is my lame boss dumping crap on my ass while I got a MEEEEEEEGRAINE?
Why is my sweetheart cheating on me with a fat bitch don’t even got decent tits?
Why has this goddamn yogurt split on me in the store and oozed mushed fucking strawberries all over my best $200 pants?
WHY DOES THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE ALWAYS KICK OFF WHEN I WANNA BRING MYSELF OFF TO CLASSICAL MUSIC WHILE MY TATTOOED GIMP INSTRUCTS HIS IGUANA TO NIBBLE ON MY BUTT?
WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHHHYYYYYY?????
Aw, but listen Sweetie, see cos I know how you feel.
An’ I want you to know I got a slooshin.
Cos if’n you don’t get this outta control angah sorted real quick, you gonna put yourself an’ others in danger.
So whatevah it is, whatevah beef you gaht, whatevah be makin’ you wanna kick an’ punch an’ lash out like crazy …
jus’ pull alla that ragin’ energy together an’
SHOUT AT THE STOOPID MONKEY
Gowan, let it all out.
Fuck! Bastard! Asshole!
Shout it. Spit it. Cuss the fuckah on out.
Monkey real stoopid, an’ he don’t frickin’ care.
He jus’ gonna sit there lookin’ real goofy an’ soak up whatevah you gaht.
That piss you off?
Kinda he all calm an’ placid … an’ you ain’t?
Ha! Betchya real mad now!
So gowan, see if’n you can get the dumbass primate to SHOUT BACK.
Scream at the stoopid asshole!
Cuss his Mom for a bitch, his Dad for a motherfuckah — gowan, LOAD IT UP, SPIT IT OUT.
Stooooopid fuckin’ monkey!
Let him have it!
Full on fuckin’ spleen!
SHOUT AT THE STOOPID MONKEY!
SHOUT AT THE STOOPID MONKEY!
SHOUT AT THE STOOPID MONKEY!
SHOUT AT THE STOOPID MONKEY!
SHOUT AT THE STOOPID MONKEY
TILL’N YOU SO PUMPED YOUR GUTS BE BULGIN’ OUTTA YOUR CHOPS!
Gotta be better than punchin’ sumone or trashin’ the place.
Gotta be better than gettin’ your short fuse self arrested.
Gotta be better than scarin’ your Granma.
An’ when you done … hey, ain’t that such a relief?
It be like meditatin’ or Yogah — minus the stretchy joggahs an’ ambient dolphin squeal soundtrack.
Monkey takes you from blowout … to chillout.
He soak it up, soak it up, soak it up.
Tellya, stoopid primate be the ultimate stress-bustin’ slooshin anyplace on the internets.
So breathe deep, go get on with whatevah.
You need the stoopid monkey again, he always here.
