Lightin’ Fuses Is For Blowin’ Stuff Togethah
General Nooz Type Stuffs
Prolly you should try here first.
It is way more sensible than goofin’ around at random. Trust me.
Here is where you can revel in the latest Balestra Nooz an’ discovah what it means for the most sensitive parts of your body to fly off into the atmosphere in an excited state of quiverin’ gasmness.
Natchrlly, I don’t gaht no nooz rn othah than my spankin’ noo site is live, so for now you may have to manually generate the necessary sensations in your tinglydanglies until sumthin’ happens.
Meantime, bookmark Moi — an’ be sure to enjoy your day.
(For sure, I don’t want nowan haulin’ ’emselves around like no grouch bcs that jus’ makes evrywan unhappy. The science guys done a study on smilin’ a while back an’ proved how a habityooly grouchy demeanor can cost you dear bcs you 55% more likely to blow your savings on plastic surgery. Worth thinkin’ about if’n you gaht a face like a harassed trout. See — if’n you in this camp, prolly I just saved you thousands of dollahs simply by bein’ sweet an’ passin’ on the positive vibes. That alone is worth a bookmark, ain’t it?)
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
What is Your Praahblem?
Seems to Moi you got three choices.
First is bcs you desprit. tbh this is how most people discovah my ass, an’ personally I blame Satan for his post-Renaissance unavailability ishoos.
Second is bcs you seek a random miracle — but when was the las’ time that happened on a planet multitaskin’ ecological disaster, deloosional dictators with their hands on alla the fake noooz, an’ a mania for gals look like they injected their butts with hippo stomach tumors?
Third is … you ain’t gaht no clue — in which case, I ain’t eithah.
K, so now we sorted out the basics, prolly we can get started on sumthin’ smart …
Services I Offah
As a writah person, I can turn my hand to most anythin’.
Web copy, sales, emails, broshoores.
Depends what you need, I guess.
Jus’ don’t ask me to write smut, K?
Services I Do Naht Offah
As a flexible multitaskah, I gotta be careful not to overstretch musself.
Plus also, I don’t wanna get hurrested.
So here’s sum stuff demands a diffrent kind of expert.
Google is your friend, so go seek these desirable persons elsewhere.
FEEL SO STRESSED YOU COULD BURST?
Tellya, life can be such a bummer sumtimes.
An’ when the pressure mounts, there ain’t nuthin’ you can do but suffer.
Your skin erupts like you got donuts writhin’ beneath it …
Your eyes wonk out till the world looks jagged an’ blotchy …
An’ your stomach so tied in knots you shrunk two whole feet in height an’ can’t walk noplace without lookin’ at the floor.
LUCKY YOU STOPPED BY TODAY!
Bcs trooly, help is here.
Simply follow the link below to discovah the coolest thing to hit practical anxiety relief since massage, meds & marijuana!
*** Rockitz ***
Dare to enslipstream the stars.
Your shot — first and last — is all ours.
No echo of blast, no fall.
Firepowah blazed over thrall.