WANNA GET IN TOUCH?

Hey, listen — I know how it is.

You hit on my website contact page — bustin’ with queries, comments & observations — only to discovah that actschwlly you don’t really wanna say nuthin’ at all.

An’ then you feel all stoopid for havin’ thunk you thoughta sumthin’ in the first place, an’ you go slink off like how dogs do when they peed on your carpet an’ you saw ’em do it an’ now they are convinced you hate ’em — yanno, that real sorry-lookin’ tail between legs pooch behavior makes you wanna call up the Evolution Hotline an’ book in the whole of caninekind for a Way Solid Vertebral Wherewithal Upgrade.

But to hell with alla that schwango.

When Thoreau said, “if you have nothing to say, it is better you strip down to your undergarments and boogie like a contortionist hooked up to a nuclear power facility,” I believe he meant it.

So let’s naht fool around with lame Contact formalities!

LET’S DO SUMTHIN’ REAL SMART FOR ONCE

Mebbe you gaht questions or comments, or mebbe you want sumthin’ writin’ for your pitch or blahg, or mebbe you are jus’ one of them yousliss chimps tryin’ to type out  Shakespeare at random an’ you wanna take five from the strain of accidentally hittin’ on Bottom.

Whatever you gaht, gonna aim to get back soon as posso —but you gotta remembah I spend mucha my days an’ alla my nights flouncin’ around in a state of Yogic Nirvana, so I ain’t guaranteed to respond immediately.

Jus’ gotta bear in mind summa my ground rules …

* I do not offah personal horoscopes.

* I do not switch on Christmas lights in shoppin’ malls.

* I do not offah advice ’bout what to do in the event of no Zaaahmbie Apocalypse.

Anyways, over to you, Curio Bunny …

HOW EASY IS THIS?

Tellya, this contact form is beyond Simplismo.

I tested it out while slammed on tequila — an’ even I could figure it.

This means it’s more user-friendly than your own frickin’ face …