Astrology Fulla Rompolicious Stoopid For A Planet Packin’ Big Time Frickin’ Crap

divine astrologer promoting eternal radianceSlide thumbnail

Alla The Planets. Alla The Weirdsy Animals. Alla The Incisive Spielo.

Horoscopes

best horoscopes on the internet

Heya, Sweetiepoppet.

Gotta figure you here cos you lookin’ for sweet astro succor gonna squirt real juicy from outta your soulhole.

Turns out you landed in precisely the right place!

Here’s where insanely wise astrology romps on out, hollers on up … an’ grabsya by the frickin’ boobies.

My name is Princess Balestra, an’ I pack the astro ‘flooence like no other ditz-brained speculative loser.

You wanna discover what is gowin’ down in the Secret Realm of Fyooture-centric Astro Smarts … come check me out evry day on Twitter.

I got a daily Astrology Story pulls in maxo stargazy smarts in ways kinda unify all Zodiac action.

My slaverin’ devotees assure me I am beyond sagelike, occasionally amusin’, an’ for my part I would wanna add also that I ain’t never shot nowan in the frickin’ ass.

tbh this prolly makes me the yummiest astro puppy on the planet — bar the evident hoobris.

Anyways, jus’ follow the link & we be sweet, K?

YOUR HANDY HOROSCOPE CHECKLIST

Gotta figure ifya gonna derive maxo benefit fromya horoscope you gotta imbibe its wisdom all proper.

Simply follow my super-practical 10-step Guide, an’ horoscope readin NIRVANA gonna be thine, tellya…

horoscope checklist infographic helps everyone whatever their starsign
fortune telling wisdom for millennials with astrology jammed in their ass

Douse me in sunlight.

Float me in air.

Breathe on me sweetly.

What else is there?

Gowan — Squirt This Baby Around Like Fizzin' Champagne