Astrology Fulla Rompolicious Stoopid For A Planet Packin’ Big Time Frickin’ Crap
Here's Whatchya Woulda Won If'n Only You'd Found Me Sooner
Scopes — Nov '18
How This Works
Sorry, sweetie — but it is brutally simple.
Novembah 2018 is gone.
She is dust.
Feeble or strong, happy or sad — you are gone also.
Time is NOW, so don’t linger here too long.
It is the past, an’ it is over.
Get frickin’ movin’…
NOVEMBAH 2018 HOROSCOPES
“Be as Beacon People Adventurin’ Beyond … uhm … The Beyond”
For many people, 2018 been a real uphill struggle.
Here’s jus’ a few emails I’ve received in my sack (actschwlly an old handbag from when I was 17) from concerned peoples intent on fillin’ up my days with their dilemmas when all I trooly wanna do is watch TV while perfectin’ my talents as a Yoga Goddess …
“Why does life feel so goddamn backwards, like my soul is being undermined from within?” Rachel S., Wisconsin
“Last year I had fun, despite many difficulties. Now it is as if a medieval torturer had risen from the dead to toy with my most delicate sensibilities — not to mention my dangerously exposed testicles.” Ralph M., Wales UK
“Every night when I get into bed, I feel the cold gastropods of pure horror sucker their underbellies along my flesh till my every muscle spasms with fear.” Mandy P., Berlin
Answer to these conundrums and queries — and more — is how the Cosmos done plunged us deep into a swamp packin’ max retrograde planetary action, one after another, bam bam bam.
Tbh it like a coupla puppy dogs throwin’ up in one another’s mouths.
First one goes Pyueeeeerk! … then there is a brief pause as the second mutt figures hey this ain’t no canine-centric pet mooshie here, an’ goes Pyueeeeerk! … an’ there is another pause before the first dog figures it is time to go Pyueeeeerk! all over again.
Furthermore, these cyclic astro regurgitations play hard an’ fast against three overarchin’celestial narratives makin’ our current days an’ nights way uniquer than normal.
(You wanna take a brief respite from dippin’ into Novembah’s astrology secrets, jus’ follow the links below an’ commune with enlightenment from beyond the very stars …)
Hope Is At Hand, All Assholes Be Damned!
Good nooz for Novembah 2018 is how that Joopiter in Scorpio vibe is comin’ to an end.
As Astro combinations go, it ain’t been mebbe the ultimate humdinger.
Tbh enterprisin’ Joopiter don’t sit too good explorin’ an infinite void fulla shadowy depths, an’ for Moi the entire experience been like dowin’ homework when actschlly you wanna party.
No disrespect to Scorpios, but FFS leave Joopiter alone!
Deal from Thursday 8 is how Joopiter swings into his preferred sign, Sagittarius — an’ though I been the laziest blaaahger on the planet for mosta 2018, prom the fuck I will blaaahg ‘bout this biggie in depth & detail soon enough.
For now, jus’ be clear that this planetary shift heralds changes in favor of way more initiative an’ momentum than mebbe we seen for mosta 2018.
Horizons open up, an’ our limbs an’spirits fill up with the Mojo to get us there.
We jus’ gotta wannit, whatevah it is … Cosmos is primed to carry us there.
Howevah, there is a catch — an’ it is so sublime as to be like throwin’ on a paira vibratin’ panties thatchya subsequently can’t take off.
When planets reside in their home signs, their powers an’ energies go wappo the fuck out, generatin’ colossal opportoonites in their area of inflooence — an’ for Joopiter in Sajjo, this means anythin’ goes.
But Saturn in Capricorn pitches us a similar kinda deal — only this time, nuthin’ moves.
What this means is two polar opposite energies at their zenith, mixin’ an’ matchin’, kissin’ an’ punchin’, sparkin’ an’ snuffin’ on a trooly catalytic roll.
Max expansion and consolidation … a 2-for-1 astrological whammy!
Meanwhile, Back In Other Partsa The Borin’ Ol’ Solar System …
Deal for Novembah is how evrywan starts out perkied up on the forthcomin’ enterprisin’ switchout.
This is because Mercury already made it to Sagittarius.
Traditionally, Mercury presides over the Zodiac’s mutable smartass signs, Gemini an’ Virgo — makin’ with the intellectyool Sparky an’ generally pissin’ evrywan off.
Butchya gotta remember how Mercury also plays herald — an’ in this first weeka Novembah I would wanna figure on plenty premonitions an’ visions comin’ your way ‘bout how the Universe gonna open up sum from outta the difficult deal it been pitchin’ for a while.
This means hope.
As a Sajjo, gotta tellya what this is all about …
See, cos although Saturn in Capricorn be dishin’ the grinder narrative from now till 2020, imposin’ constraints an’ layin’ down the rules in a way that delivers ultimate gain for immediate sufferin’ an’ pain-in-the-ass stress, Sagittarius has a wider mission always — an’ it is one frequently misrepresented as a selfish desire to make like a loudmouth fuckwit simply to be an all-round obnoxious cunt.
But that ain’t so!
Always, Sagittarius tests out an’ seeks wider horizons … always lookin’, always on the hunt for more — an’ always the intention is generously minded an’ geared up for a wider purpose than Self Self Self, despite how such wanderlust appears to others as coarse provocation centred on a kneejerk desire to bare our private parts at evry opportoonity.
Truth is, Sagittarius ventures out Beyond to bring treasures back.
If Saturn in Capricorn represents the core Status Quo stuff gotta be preserved less’n the Cosmos falls apart, Sagittarius — an’ the Joopiter energy alive in her evry stomp yonder — is the energizin’ force renews an’ replenishes that celestial underpinnin’ for the better.
With Mercury in Sagittarius heraldin’ a switchout to Joopiter in same, evrywan got a chance to pull in summa the rompsy stompsy smarts associated with the lovable horse-assed archer.
You don’t gotta be loud or dress like you got zero sense of taste … butchya can mebbe approach life with more adventurin’ zest an’ a broad desire to widen your horizons for the greater good.
You want a primer on the astrological opportoonities boundin’ through the Cosmos durin’ Novembah — especially those relatin’ to Mercury’s intrinsically comms-centric & cerebrally transmissive sphere of control — here’s the best place to start on the whole frickin’ internets …
My Handy Treatise on All Things Horsily-Assed
& Tooled Up To The Max With Muscle-Powered Missile Weapons
of a Speculative Nature
(As an astrologer, I am dooty bound to predict that readin’ this
will change your perspective on life forevah …)
Coupla Bummers To Figure Before The Fun Starts
tbh I bein’ sumwhat mean here ‘bout alla the retro action.
Gotta remember always how the fyooture represents eternal opportoonity an’ potential for change.
Anythin’ else is called A STATUE.
So I been talkin’ from time to time on Twitter ‘bout how the retro planetary vibe ain’t always the bad nooz evrywan makes it out to be by kinda default.
Gotta remember that opportoonity an’ potential for change don’t necessarily come easy.
Most times, challenge an’ adversity is involved — an’ these are where the planetary retro moments illoominate as they obfuscate an’ build stuff up as they appear to destroy.
Take Joopiter in Scorpio, for example.
Who else discovered plenty home truths ‘bout their deepest inner nature this las’ year?
Truthful soulstuffs so precious you might never open up ‘bout ‘em to another livin’ soul?
Hard-won insights that move not a single thing before both gaze an’ touch but whose perspective signifies fundamental changes deep within?
Truth is, retro don’t stop the fyooture happenin’.
Don’t kill hopes, don’t draw lines in the sand nowan can ever cross.
That said, straight off the bat for Novembah we got Venus retrogradin’ back into Libra an’ Uranus whappyin’ offa its tits back into Aries.
Trad pessimistic retro analysis says this means alla our relationships gonna burn up an’ die as retributive anger an’ foolhardy bravado trash the planet on an irresponsible roll.
But I would wanna view this more from the perspective of a benevolent an’ holistic Cosmos.
The imminent upbeat forces rockin’ outta Joopiter gonna require a real gear shift, an’ this cardinal retro duo tempers the challenges ahead by remindin’ us ‘bout the balance between rompin’ off into the disruptive beyond (Uranus in Aries got a real affinity with Joopiter in Sajjo that way) an’ returnin’ with generous bounties for evrywan (Venus in Libra FFS).
By our Cardinal constraints shall the first horses of the Joopiter in Sajjo era be saddled an’ stirruped on down …
Other Shit To Figure This Month
For Moi, midweek from Novembah 6-8 is where evrywan really gonna sense what is comin’.
We got a water-powered Sun/Neptoon trine followed by a real deep Scorpio Noo Moon — almost like Joopiter in Scorpio wants us to take one last look at the infinite ocean swirlin’ deep within us.
One las’ deep breath, one las’ touch on infinite soul.
From here, we all take a huge leap the fuck on out as Aries takes Uranus for a wild an’ reckless ride an’ Sajjo opens up Joopiter like a highway to anyplace.
In 48 hours, we pass from soul deep seekers to adrenaline tightrope finders.
Gotta be sumthin’, huh?
Thing is, Mars in a fire sign at this stage would mebbe be kinda dangerous.
I spoke a while back on my blaaaahg ‘bout Fire energies (from the POV how fire signs are so intrinsically restless they sumtimes struggle to chill out — an’ my Flame-tongued Meditation & Stillness Stuffs for you guys is HERE) … an’ the narrative progression for Fire runs kinda BURN – WARMTH – BEACON as we pass from Aries to Sajjo via Leo.
Burn in Aries rn would be incendiary, an’ though Leo’s warmth an’ Sajjo’s beacon might offer promise, always we gotta remember how evry Zodiac signs packs energies as can figure good or bad.
So for example, we admire Taurus because she so tenacious an’ nevah evah gives up.
Problem is, that means also she such a stubborn fuckin’ bitch we wanna shoot her in the tits.
Mars in Pisces is therefore yet another almost strategic counter to the changes underway an’ imminent — a reminder that while meaningful transformation often begins with disruptive bravado, calamity can also follow revolootion without vision or ultimate purpose.
Coolest thing ‘bout any individyool an’ personal change — the kinda stuff you dip into your horoscope to discover — is how we all affected, all at once, an’ the collective transformation is what defines eras, epochs an’ generations.
That is why Mars in Pisces offers a constructive balance to what is essentially a potentially reckless unleashin’ of Total Frickin’ Weirdsy.
Plus also, it is an opportoonity to sleep in an’ not give AF.
By total coincidence, Neptoon moves direct into Pisces (see — another planet swimmin’ around in its own sign) at month’s end, further remindin’ us how the emergin’ opportoonities gotta be for evrywan — or nowan at all.
Gotta Hope …
… nowan ain’t too pissed off because they came here lookin’ for the usual hey I’m a Gemini! What’s the score this month for Love, Luck and Money? kinda horoscope stuffs only to discover the philosophical meanderings of a ditzy Sajjo harridan, but that is how I wanna figure my astro shenanigans right now.
Seems kinda more Saj to offer a broad an’ thoughful analysis where evrywan on the same team receives word up bout astro nooz prolly leaves nowan outta the mix.
I believe it is important rn for evrywan to foster an incloosive outlook.
We seein’ too much division, too much unsubstantiated knowledge brought back from places unknown an’ pitched as immutable fact.
Groups against groups, persons against persons — diversity manifested as viewpoints gotta always be in conflict.
Thing ‘bout Joopiter in Sajjo is how hope an’ optimism got top seat at the frickin’ table.
Hell, no — to hell with the table, we all writhin’ around nekkid togethah on bean bags.
Thing is, from now till December 2019, Joop in Sajjo invites us to question boundaries — what they are, who they benefit, an’ how a broader viewpoint might ultimately level up the status quo.
This means mebbe lookin’ in on the horizons we can romp out to, drawin’ positively on our resources of brain an’ sinew so we can discover noo treasures an’ bring em’ home for evrywan to enjoy.
What it don’t mean is walls for lockin’ nowan out or beatin’ ‘em down …
Interested In Astrology Like You Could Die? Want a Steady Squirt of Astro Action Pumpin’ From Your Twitter Roll?
Top solootion is to follow Moi on Twitter.
YOUR HANDY HOROSCOPE CHECKLIST
Gotta figure ifya gonna derive maxo benefit fromya horoscope you gotta imbibe its wisdom all proper.
Simply follow my super-practical 10-step Guide, an’ horoscope readin NIRVANA gonna be thine, tellya…
Douse me in sunlight.
Float me in air.
Breathe on me sweetly.
What else is there?