Astrology Fulla Rompolicious Stoopid For A Planet Packin’ Big Time Frickin’ Crap

divine astrologer promoting eternal radianceSlide thumbnail

Whoya Gonna Call Up Come The Zombie Apocalypse?



Mebbe you got questions or comments, or mebbe you want sumthin’ writin’ forya blog or pitch, or mebbe you are jus’ onea them chimps tryin’ to type out the worksa Shakespeare at random an’ you wanna take five from the straina accidentally hittin’ on Bottom.

Whateverya got, gonna get backchya soon as posso —butya gotta remember I spend mucha my days an’ alla my nights stickin’ my scrypipe up the Universe’s ass, lookin’ for clues left behind by Fate’s futuresum phantoms, so I am not guaranteedta respondtaya immediately.

(You want instant gratification? Prolly you should head over to cos he’s real fast offa the mark.)

Jus’ gotta bear in mind summa my ground rules…

* I do not offer personal horoscopes.

* I do not switch on Christmas lights in shoppin’ malls.

* I do not offer advice ’bout what to do in the eventa no Zombie Apocalypse, cos alla that schwango is covered in my handy Astro Guides (available soon).

So, hey — overta you, curio person…


Tellya, this is beyond Simplismo.

I tested this out slamoed on tequila — an’ even I could figure it.

Prolly that means I am officially user-friendly, I dunno.


Hey, listen — I know how it is.

You hit on sum website contact page — figurin’ you are bustin’ with queries, commentary an’ observations — only to discover that actschwlly you don’t really wanna say anythin’ at all.

An’ thenya feel all stoopid for havin’ thunkya thoughta sumthin’ in the first place, an’ you go slink off like that thing dogs do when they peed onya carpet an’ you saw ’em an’ now they are convincedya hate ’em — yanno, that real sorry-lookin’ tail between legs slope makesya wanna call up the Evolution Hotline an’ book in the wholea caninekind for a Way Solid Vertebral Firepower Upgrade.

But to hell with alla that.

When Thoreau said, “you got nuthin’ to say, it is prolly betterya stripta your undergarments an’ boogie out like a contortionist hooked direct to a power station,” I believe he meant it.

So here’s sum stuff might helpya right now.


Future Speculation Forecast Augury Prediction Moment
Gowan — Squirt This Baby Around Like Fizzin' Champagne