Tellya, Spring Fever cures EVRYTHIN’. Period.
But ifya wanna feel its power, you gotta let it in onya.
Jettison the Old, flip out fulla zest with the Noo, typea thing.
Commit to that kinda catalytic plan, an’ your life gonna rock out on positive vibes pumpin’ through its essential pipe networks all the way to the squirtyhosey tips, teats, pores an’ vestibularities, tellya.
You get a hefty kick start up the motivation ass RIGHT NOW as…
THE SUN ENTERS ARIES
It is troo. It is for real. It is happenin’.
We got a noo Zodiac cycle beginnin’ as Pisces relinquishes hold on alla her exquisite dreams an’ fancies — an’ darin’ Aries grabs ‘em an’ runs with ‘em, bold noo frontiers in her sights.
(I got more on the recent Pisces dreamo phase HERE, jus’ for slooshie retro value.)
This is the moment when Spring Fever cures all!
An’ I would want this message to figure way beyond the Equinox, an’ last the whole year through — like Christmas kinda don’t.
Tellya, anythin’ you got that is lame, deadbeat, spent, exhausted or fuckoed gonna receive a celestial energy boost to revive, rejuvenate an’ resurrectya vision, purpose — an’ execution!
Mercury, Venus an’ Uranus are already pre-loaded in Aries, an’ when the Spring Equinox drops, dynamism gonna be fully reborn — along with plentya opportoonities for split pants asya leap in the air an’ kickya heels.
Thing is, such is the powera the energies gonna be released, I would not want anyone to be consoomed in the ensuin’ fireballs — nor waste the precious incendiary cargo on offer from this Aries-fueled Equinox fest.
So I got five pointers forya, gonna speedya along withoutya gettin’ all stoopid, K?
PRINCESS BALESTRA’S TOP 5 SPRING FEVER CURES
Here’s my hit list, plain an’ simple…
Spring Fever Cures BODY —
Throw On Sum Sporty Skimpies & Be In The Streets
This is no time for sluggin’ around in winter clothes or strappin’ portable heaters to your back.
You gotta cast alla that offaya like sum burlesque gal peelin’ downta the strawbos.
But remember, 2017 ain’t no torrid rompfest (more’s the frickin’ pity), so ‘steada bouncin’ out into the street in the buff, you gonna load up with super dinky, super skimpy sportsgear.
Trick here is absolute bare essentials, jus’ enoughta cover upya tinglydanglies, cos I wantcha to test the fresh noo air to the max — with verve an’ precocity.
Go cavort exotically!
Run! Leap! Skip! Hop! Cartwheel!
Whateverya got, get it out in the streets an’ soak up the energizin’ bravado on a SPRING FEVER CURES ALL ticket!
Want it. Desire it. Make it happen.
If’n you wanna, you could mebbe chant summa these astrology-themed Springtime mantras (an’ by chant, I mean bellow tillya spook all nearby canines the fuck outta their skins.)
I have Aries energy! I am lusty! I am gutsy! I am one revved-up bitch / SOB!
Life is about falling down 7 times and getting up 8 — unless you STAY ON YOUR FEET and KICK EVERYONE ELSE OUT OF THE WAY!
Gonna ram hard against reality till pearls spew out from under its shell!
Lo! I am Initiative’s Brightest Avatar, Bravery’s Staunchest Champion, Snogging’s Thrillsumest Breathtaker!
Watch me karate kick like a S.W.A.T. team ballerina as yawps to shame Walt Whitman bust my throat clean offa my frickin’ neck!
Yeah, yeah, I know summa these’re totally OTT — but that is the fuckin’ point right now.
You gotta get out there with pioneerin’ brio rompin’ roundya bloodstream — an’ beat Spring to the Equinox.
Those’re the rules.
Spring Fever Cures MIND —
Make Thrillsum With The Meditative Chillsum
Gotta figure a thrillout is the ultimate chillout.
Sumtimes, yogic flopout or serene reflection is the only wayta go if’n you wanna chill down on the stresso or flipya actschly OK rn tvm braino into a higher gear.
(Remember: meditative types do not sit cross-legged, flauntin’ their undercarriages, solely to get hitched in the sack.)
But the deal right now is not so much gowin’ with the stillness flow as keepin’ pace with the fireballs ragin’ all over — an’ maintainin’ composure in the facea their incendiary onslaught.
Thinka it like swimmin’ with dolphinsa flame: you gotta get close up an’ personal with the action — no sittin’ back, no jus’ lookin’.
So what we got on offer here is a real active stillness, an’ I would wanna suggest takin’ sumthin’ like T’ai Chi or a 10-move Yoga flowout sequence an’ uppin’ the speed on the mechanical cranko.
Canya maintain the same levela calm an’ composure at increased tempo asya would ifya wentya regular way?
If so, speed up sum more, bearin’ in mind you got a finite structure don’t want or need damagin’— this is still meditation, not sum killer ballistics porno.
Prolly you should start out with sumthin’ like my Stillness for The Volatile meditation, then carry that spirita flame into a pepped-up reflecto-workout.
If you wanna, mebbe you could punctuate the action an’ the flamogazo like alla the trooly pumped athletes who tone up an’ zone forward with HIITs.
Point is, this is more about the mind than the body (an’ I am not bein’ no heretic dualist here when I make this suggestion) — your focus in alla the movement is stillness while alla the Spring Fever energies rage in an’ outtaya.
How still canya be when fire threatensta obliterate or consoomya?
Prolly you won’t know tillya try it.
Spring Fever Cures SPIRIT —
Race To The Edgea Danger
Gotta drop sum hardcore astro here, so ifya are jus’ cruisin’ by lookin’ for personal development tips or motivational strategies gonna thrustya toppa all known success pedestals — with no desireta have no astro schwango dumped onya — mebbe you should throw a bag overya head for 60 seconds an’ wait this one out.
I will hang on forya whileya locate a bag.
(An’ remember, the bags gonna suffocateya are mebbe the same semi-transparent blindfolds gonna enableya to cheat by readin’ on for my motivational success tips, an’ I would not want anyone dyin’ or sufferin’ a full blown cognitive dissonance attack — so be sureta go with a PAPER bag, or mebbe a wicker basket, K?)
Also — it is OKAY to read THIS PART — orya won’t know WHAT TO DO.
Got a bag?
K, so jus’ put it on an’ count to 60.
cya later. ☺
Meanwhile, devoted astro aficionados, I wanna jus’ say a few words about innocence, naivety — an’ gettin’ super fresho with noo experiences.
That is the Aries spirit.
Thing is, so mucha what makes Aries so … Aries is all too often presented in the forma child imagry or narrative — yanno, alla that “Aries is the baby of the Zodiac, followed by Taurus the toddler”, and so on — all the way upta “Pisces the wizened old crone, baring her neck like a martyr before the Reaper’s shiniest sickle slices her tits off” typea thing.
There is narrative in that imagry — cos we are right at the starta a great noo Zodiac journey here rather than runnin’ down the final daysa sum spent old cycle — but I would not want the trooly adult qualities Aries got to be diminished by this (frankly arbitrary) viewpoint.
In my forthcomin’ HANDY ASTRO GUIDES, I touch on how Aries got a real life challenge.
Aries is edgy cos she got a real clear viewa life’s precipices — an’ she wants to run there so very much cos it is EXHILARATIN’ an’ it is LIFE.
That spirit does not belong solely to children (or youth), an’ in informed an’ conscious adult hands it delivers the entreprenoorial zoomo to effect much-needed change.
That, I guess, is the spirit I see on offer here as Pisces lays down an’ Aries rises up.
An’ we can all touch on summa that, if we wanna, cos that is how Spring Fever cures all.
Gotta remember, cyclic as the Zodiac wheel is, this 2017 spin ain’t never happened before.
(An’ ifya drop into my HOROSCOPES section, you can hop ahead to my 2017 Astro Summary an’ discover how inevitable planetary movements an’ interactions gonna ENSLAVE YA! Ha. Only jokin’.)
Like all novel phenomena, 2017 has edges, precipices — an’ dangers.
An’ what the Spring Equinox is sayin’ as it swells with dancin’ flame is mebbe you should get up offaya comfort zone bean bag an’ go experience noo an’ excitin’ adventures.
Jus’ gotta welcome back evryone put a bag over their head for that last part.
I figureya got the basis for mebbe a Halloween mask ifya cut out some eye slits an’ make with the menacin’ hues.
Jus’ don’t wear it yet, K?
Equinox may be all about adventure, but rompin’ around in a ghost mask alongside purty blooms don’t figure as onea my Spring Fever cures for anythin’.
You jus’ gonna look frickin’ stoopid.
Spring Fever Cures MOJO —
Ignition Is An Activity Never Has The Option To Grow Old
Perhaps the cruelest trick life plays is whenya got alla your favo stuffs close up an’ personal — an’ yet sumhow shit don’t work out.
I figure evryone got their own Dream Day they are mebbe pointin’ alla their aspirations toward.
I dunno, mebbe you are on a beach with allaya friends, cocktail in hand as the Sun plays a perfect panorama into a sensual miracle.
But what happens when Dreamo Days no longer cut it?
You are THERE doin’ THAT THING with THOSE PEOPLE — an’ yet sumhow, what you’ve experienced as dreamo alla your life lacks its usual luster.
Truth is, tarnish happens, even to the best an’ shiniest stuff we got.
It is a truth universally unacknowledged that time is a monster, I guess.
An’ though her intention is never to kill when she digs her teeth into our mortality, she can wound us real mean with the relentlessnessa her chompin’.
That is why we sumtimes walk away from Dreamo Days like we are bleedin’.
Tellya, I have yet to enjoy a single weddin’ cozza alla the Happiest Day of My Life people bein’ fuckin’ cunts to one another.
Point is, time demands change of us, whether we like it or not — an’ no matter whetherya are a motivated zealot intent on life-transformin’ supermorpho, or a comfy-bunny slacker dissolvin’ in blissful inertiasoup, seemsta me evryone responds to our inherently mutable Cosmos like shit is forever.
Time is a Dream Eater gonna stealya Dreamo Days fromya.
Starts with small things like the stoopid hamburger guy slippedya an unwanted gherkin or your teenage heart throb marries a total loser with a face like a frickin’ horse — an’ ends with you bedridden, energies all spent, while snotty grandkids fight over chocolates you ain’t got strength to taste, let alone eat.
When time challengesya Dreamo this way, feels likeya Mojo is down, never gonna rise up again.
But for Aries — an’ spring eternal — this is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER true, least not for long.
Thinka that last Mojo phrase as an internal monolog for a second.
My Mojo is down, an’ I am never gonna rise up again.
I figure evryone has said that kinda thing to ‘emselves at sum point — an’ felt the hurt.
But whatchya are really sayin’ is how you been bruised by change an’ desire the past’s return or continuation as a crutch gonna keepya gowin’ forward.
Say frickin’ what?
Truth is, to re-igniteya Mojo, you gonna need ignition.
But ignition is an activity never has the option to grow old.
Prolly it is truer to say ignition is an activity dies as it is bein’ born.
Combustion happens, ignition is OVER.
So you want ignition inya life, you gotta keep makin’ it happen over an’ over.
Start up, step out, stand anew.
Mojo is not like furniture. Or memories. Or mantras penned in blood.
It is momentarily fickle superpower blastin’ off cool stuff at the edgea your unfoldin’ life.
And dontcha frickin’ forget it!
Spring Fever Cures DRIVE —
Drill Down On Whatchya Want An’ Fire Off In THAT Direction
Gotta remember, Aries is a trooly active sign, thrives on thrills an’ adventure.
Single-minded an’ independent, Aries gets a fix on sum direction an’ jus’ goes for it.
Energy like that — real direct, real intended — is a useful commodityta have around.
Cos sumtimes we procrastinate or self pity, talk ourselves down or get stuck in sum forlorn rut from which it is darn near impossible to extricate ourselves.
Where other signs would ponder or wallow or reflect or experiment or reason or alla those other not immediately useful kindsa things, Aries gets the fuck outta the hole.
Blind direction, sort the rest later.
What we saw with the recent Pisces Noo Moon (an’ what has been rollin’ along for the past month) is alla the sortin’, resolvin’ an’ rearrangin’ aheada noo life, energy an’ initiative bustin’ outta the Zodiac trap.
But Spring is here.
An’ asya read these words, even the muscles flippin’ your eyeballs into actively engaged saccades’re burnin’ up the novelicious Arian carbs an’ oxygen.
Way I see it, you are either fast outta the trap or you are dead in the water right now.
So whatever plansya got, throw yourself at ‘em like Wolverine’s claws swooooooooshin’ from them thar Hugh Jackmaknuckles.
Tippa those blades got drive, direction, purpose — an’ zero time for assholin’ around.
One Last Thing
Like I said, Spring Fever cures all.
Flaggin’ body gonna be revved up, mebbe even primed for spontaneous an’ furniture-destroyin’ blendyjuicy.
Weary mind gonna step up as it chills out, alert to its own raw potentialities.
Lackluster spirit gonna flush out fulla zeal an’ hunt down opportoonity around evry corner.
Dented mojo gonna thrive on emergin’ adventures an’ strengthenya creative resolve.
As for drive — whaddya really wanna happen right now? As in ima get offa my stoopid fat ass an’ go DO THIS.
Gota warnya straight out — when the Sun hits Taurus later in April, alla this noo-found verve gonna mebbe come to a halt whileya go eat cake an’ get massaged tillya are liquid form an’ smell sweeter than Narcissus’ fruitiest ever farts.
Aries-powered Equinox wantsya up an’ hummin’ RIGHT NOW.
Get started, an’ mebbe Spring Fever cures gonna last all year.
So c’mon, quit the STAIR-RIN ADD-DA SCREEEEEEEEN deal — an’ go make sumthin’ real smart happen…
Title Image c/o Cindy del Val @ Unsplash
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