When it comes to maxing out on fitness and motivation, only one thing counts.
Tone your rear to aplomb … and you transform into a working bomb.
Let’s face it girls, legs are so 70s, titties are so 80s — and everything since the 90s has been about accessories.
To get a head start in the new millennium, you owe it to yourself to tone up the rear balloons out back of your perineum.
AND MY HOT NEW FITNESS PROGRAM SURE FIXES YOUR BUTT!
You’ll look and feel so toned it’s like GOD took TWO FIRM CANTELOUPE MELONS and sealed them super tight in CLING WRAP!
Your metabolism will love you!
Fashion will adore you!
And small children will call from their buggies, “hey, Mom — why in hell can’t you get a killer fuckin’ ass like that?”
So come join my program TODAY.
For just a hundred bucks, I’ll tone you out till you’re LEAN and TIGHT and HOT.
You’ll receive 20 killer butt workout routines — and a CD so buzzing with the latest grooves you’ll want to strip down to your panties and twerk till you drop.
Every routine has been verified by science … and tested on random guys.
All the data rocks … all the jaws drop.
Sign up TODAY and I’ll freebie on down with THE LATEST HYPOALLERGENIC SKIN MOISTURIZER OUT OF DENMARK.
Guaranteed to smooth out your most desirable curves, this hydroponically cultivated seaweed extract is a MUST HAVE LUXURY for anyone serious about TONING THEIR BUTT beyond PERFECTION.
Offer ends TODAY!
For sure I figured this was a spoof fitness page from the moment I saw the visuals — and I have no desire to be duped further by what is clearly a shameless attempt to lure me to the informative and enlightening online ASTROLOGY resource that is Princess Balestra Daaaht Kaaahm, so NO WAY am I reading any further or clicking on any stupid buttons unless I desire beyond all fleshsum yummo to have my weary brain and spirit filled generously to the brim with life-sustaining celestial wonders conjured from the very Cosmos by prediction’s most incisive and alluring astro Goddess ever. Is that clear?