So — is it astrologist or astrologer?
Forget “to be, or not to be?” — this is the question.
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings an’ arrowsa outrageous fortune tellin’ (an’ stick with the standard ‘astrologer’), or take arms against a seea syllables an’ by supposin’ bend ‘em.
Way I see it, switch out -er for -ist an’ whaddya got?
When astrologer becomes astrologist, mebbe you are lookin’ at sumthin’ kinda escapologist — which is waaaaay more romantic an’ in keepin’ with the speculative naturea astrology.
I figure prolly the reason you don’t see too many astrologists is cos they all fucked off an’ escaped sumplace else.
Thing is, alla this got me thinkin’ what in hell else we could be called — we talented seers who scry forth into the etherest Void in searcha the Pre-tangible with no more claim on what trooly lies beyond than mebbe a fiction writer, marketer or politician.
Gotta figure the super delisho English language affords loadsa possibilities for reinventin’ astrology.
Enough, mebbe for eacha the Zodiac signsta lay claimta its own cornera the astrological lexicon.
So what say we re-suffix the astrology profession between us?
Starsign by starsign?
Ooh ooh — gonna be such fun!
Aw, c’mon — trailblazin’ solotiste Aries gotta be an astrologeur, as in entreprenoor.
An’ while astrologarian prolly suits the more intellectyool Virgo types, Aries gotta bag the -arian option straight out or nonea this speculation makes any frickin’ sense.
For sure, I would want any adventurizin’ astrolojeepster to make like a disruptifyin’ astrolojacker with alla the bravadoa sum trooly heroic an’ inspirin’ astrologiant.
Freshly squeezed an’ oozin’ zest, Aries gotta be the ultimate astrolojuicer.
Not for them any kinda idle intellectual debate along the linesa astrologist or astrologer?
Ha! I am tempted to suggest astrologor here, like matador, but I figure that is the wrong bull-centric image.
I would wanna speculate that Taurean astrology gonna deliverya sum real tangible results. That would demand a genuinely bully an’ tenacious astrologard.
Or mebbe an astrologeer, if there were super elaborate natal charts to fix up an’ shit.
Whatever, Taurus would be forever loyal an’ faithful an’ devoted to the cause — a real astrologite.
Lay on cakes in the Taurean Horoscopery, an’ you mebbe got an astrologuzzler gonna eat fortune tellin’ alive.
Gotta figure Gemini gonna glitz out on the sorcery an’ pizzazz inherent in gazin’ up at the stars in wonder. Evry predictive flasha sparkly dust demands prestidigio fingers an’ a nimble braino. So let’s hear it for … the astrologencer.
Or mebbe the astrolojazzler.
For sure, there gonna be sum real inventive monkeyin’ around — but what else gonna happen when the precocious an’ playful Twinnies got their hands on alla the synastry cos they donned the apparela the ultimate astrolojinxer?
An’ that duality ticket could mebbe mean questionsa astrologist or astrologer? prompt the answer actchsly, I am both at the same frickin’ time.
Jus’ gotta watch those predictions don’t come reelin’ offa the tongue so smart an’ fast the resta us get left behind in the sliippertystreama no astrologibberishspieler!
We all know how devoted Cancerians can be — to fam, to friends, to sum just cause — so I figure alla the crab people gotta have the optiona bein’ an astrologee.
Or mebbe they would jus’ selflessly embody the spirita astrology steada layin’ claim to alla the fancy personalized paraphernalia like pointy hats, capes an’ matchin’ gauntlets (which acourse, I got) — kinda like an astrologen or astrologern.
Any true Cancerian gonna take their home right out to the stars — sum’ flyin’ galleon gonna sail out between the planets packin’ a store room fulla homemade goodies. Gotta loveya astrolojammer I guess.
I also got astrologiatricist in my original scribbles for this post — only I clean I forgot what I was thinkin’ an’ where I intended to put it. Gotta hope Cancer will take that one under her wing till sumone figures shit out…
Ok, so we gotta pay homage to the Leo phenomenon, as rendered in flesh ‘pon this mortal plane as an astrologity.
With majesty an’ pomp shall thy astrology be delivered — an’ for that you gonna need an astrologent.
For sure, Leo would be a real up-front astrologophile, an’ on particularly theatrical days, risin’ to the occasion gonna bring out their inner astrologlamerer.
Jus’ gotta watch for bein’ too far up their own assholes, I guess. Nowan needs an astrolojactater.
I figure gal Virgos gonna have no problem distinguishin’ themselves from their male astrologer counterparts, hence astrologess.
An’ bein’ such braino clever experts, they gonna conduct ‘emselves witht the informed geniusa sum true astrologian — perfectly able to distinguish between all shadesa celestial knowhow (includin’ astrologist or astrologer?)
Evry horoscope gonna be crisp an’ clear, right downta detailin’ aspects between minor planetary moons like Umbriel an’ Mimas. Gotta love an astrologeneticist.
An’ would Virgo be an archetypal weirdsy ol’ spinster type — or even worse, sum bent old crazy guy packin’ the drool? Gotta figure on a youthful body in real fine condition workin’ out regular beneath the virgin’s astonishin’ braino. Kinda astrologymnast.
For Libra, kissin’ on the florally exotic perimetera life’s grandest expectations gotta trooly suit an astrologette or astrologante.
An’ who elseya gonna trust for a balanced readin’ but an astrolojuggler?
Plus also, even the most calamitous an’ strife-generatin’ aspects inya natal chart gonna be rendered beautiful, harmonious, peaceful — mebbe even fun — by an astrologonymph, astrolojollifier or astrolojester.
But watch out! As evry astrolojourno knows, Libra got Cardinal supremacy ridin’ out alongside alla the flowery loon pants.
When it comesta settlin’ any deal — even astrologist or astrologer? — final word goes to the astrolojudge an’ astrolojusticiar, K?
Scorp got a reputation for fixin’ up the down deep an’ dirty biz, so what about astrologizer?
Plus also, Scorps are real scary an’ obsessed with death. Voila astrologhast.
Thing is, I figure when it comesta fixin’ up alla the aspects, midheavens an’ favo gemstones, Scorpio gonna dish the deal real straight, no punches pulled nor illusions dispensed. You got any sense, you wanna make a beeline for the astrolojugularax.
Main deal is, Scorp gonna go the whole distance withya, even whenya life is squared an’ retrograded out. For the long haul, you gotta have a reliable astrolojogger by your side, tellya.
I figure Sajjo would make a fine travelin’ astrologer — kinda like them pooch or kitty parlors turn up atchya home an’ pamper onya fluffy. So: astrolojaunter.
From a philosophical perspective, astrology differs from astronomy an’ gastronomy in so many profound ways, an’ to navigate the difference, you gonna need an astrologosophicist.
Whatever the deal, Sajjo is natchrly enthoosiastic an’ optimistic, so any predictions concernin’ the celestial vapors gonna be c/o a real energized astrologophyte or astrolojovian.
Jus’ gotta watch for the loose tongue an’ alla the unabashed coarseness an’ filth. So getchya ear muffs an’ blindfolds on ifya go see the astrolojyna or astrolojizmsquirter or astrolojaculater.
Real fulla shit Sajjo seers’re jus’ astrolojunkers.
Gotta figure Capricorn gonna run a whole hierarchya astro persons, bottoma the tree bein’ mebbe an astrologant.
Hop upta astrologer (cos Cappy gotta nail the super regular, super conservative option), an’ evryone else belowya becomes an astrologoling.
Rise high enough in the ranks, an’ you get to be the one true top dog astrologocrat — an astrolojuggernaut among astrolojokers.
UNLESS, in true grouchy skeptic fashion, Capricorn says “fuck alla that star-gazin’ schwango — I am a confirmed astrologophobiac.”
Astrologist or astrologer?
WHO FUCKIN’ CARES???
Aquarius, detached an’ pseudo-alien as ever, gonna hitchya with the astrologoid.
Or mebbe the astrologon.
For sure, all fully Uranoid manifestrationsa the water bearer gonna swing out all astrologopian.
At their most monstrously provocative, evry Aquarian is an outrageous astrolojabberwocky.
At their most egalitarian, humane an’ reflective, they spin a real neat astrolojain.
Uh oh, here comes Pisces! Head in the clouds, nose in the bottle, nuthin’ else in anyplace tangible — wobblin’ around all dizzy from twinklea the pretty stars like sum astrologoholic.
Or are alla those seemingly drunken dreams the stuffa inspired wisdom? The worka sum astrolodjinni?
Thing is, there is sumthin’ disturbingly Einsteinian about the way Pisces’ mixes up inspiration an’ nonsense — a real sense that you got sum genius prescience drillin’ down on all things pan-cosmological that is so blindingly obvious asta be totally opaque — but how in hellya gonna describe that? It is all so … so … astrologish.
Ultimately, Pisces winds up the whole astrological show, fulla dreamsy passion so pure it almost lacks direction.
Gotta say, all things considered, right now I would want my horoscope prediction stuffs outta the handsa sum astrologist or astrologer.
Gimme an astrolojunkie any day.
So, Hey — Gotta Hope This Dinky Astrosummary Nails The Astrologist or Astrologer? Conundrum Real Good
It won’t, acourse.
Tellya, there has gotta be frickin’ hundreds more real neat options out there.
You seen any I missed?
Drop ‘em in the trail an’ let’s have sum FUN!
Title Image c/o Felix Plakolb @Unsplash
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