Aquarius Capricorn 2017 2017-06-01T08:46:25+00:00

Astrology Fulla Rompolicious Stoopid For A Planet Packin’ Big Time Frickin’ Crap

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Heads Up, Aquarius & Capricorn

U Been Shafted

Frickin’ Nightmare!

Yeah, yeah — I know.

You guys got little or no VENUS ACTION gowin’ down in 2017 while alla the other signs get to lick an’ smoochie real close to her abundant passion an’ beautyrama till it risks promptin’ steamta rise offa their undergarments.

An’ I sympathise withya, truly, O Aquarian & Capricornian sweeties.

But I figure outta alla the zodiac, you guys prolly gonna be the signs as can best handle this Whaaaaaat? Minimal Venus Action In My 2017 Heavens? scenario/bummer.

Good nooz is, I got a complaint form you can whisper off to Mother Cosmosis  right away.

Gotta protest when you are bein’ shafted, right?

Tellya, when Mother Cosmosis sees this, she gonna have your back on the Venus deal sum time in the future.

As a bonus, if you are headin’ offta college any time soon, prolly you can rearrange the words sum an’ swing entry to the establishmenta your choice.

Might also work for gettin’ holda free burgers in the mall.

Anyways, besta luck, guys.

Jus’ gotta thinka Mother Cosmosis an’ read these words aloud with purity inya heart, desire inya braino — an’ mebbe a banana inya hand cos they are a big ole sourcea potassium…

Dear Mother Cosmosis,

I was born under the sign of      AQUARIUS  /  CAPRICORN

[Delete where applicable — though not the ‘I was born’ part, cos I do not wish this complaint form to constitoot any kinda existential threat to ya.  FFS, I am jus’ tryin’ to help out here, not eraseya.]

and I am personally most concerned that you have granted me very little Venus Time in 2017 compared to those born under other Zodiac signs.

I am not beyond needing a little loving and beauty in my life, and while I understand that none of this is personal, and it is all only a math thing, I would like to take this opportunity to

No. Let me rephrase that.

To be frank with you, I could use waaaaay more action in the sack, along with rainbows and sunsets and all manner of sensual yumminess, and I figure you can bend the rules for this inventive / patient Aquarian / Capricornian because I believe you to be merciful in addition to generally brilliant. Plus, I have friends.

[Again, you gotta delete the unapplicable parts here. Prolly if I hadn’t been so frickin’ busy writin’ out alla my forthcomin’ informative Astro Guides, I woulda laid on individual complaint forms, but that is life, I guess.  An’ while I am on that subject — you guys OK if I rant?  Cos I am feelin’ kinda antsy about sum stuffa my own right now.  Thing is, my desk gets real dusty, so a while back, I got myself onea them swanky miniature hand-held sucko gadgets for de-fluffin’ alla my deskly crevices.   Anyways, fucker died on me, an’ I now find myself unexpectedly fulla rage. It is irrational, I know — but I jus’ gotta share with sumone. An’ I figured cos you are pissed also, kinda makes sense to pool our pissimo insteada hittin’ on alla the serene people currently bumblin’ along in a blissful dream.  Rant over.  So, uhm, yeah — thanks for listenin’, guys. Gotta say, you are the coolest Aquarian / Capricornian I ever met. (No need to delete anythin’ there cos this is jus’ between ourselves an’ does not concern Mother Cosmosis.)]

Perhaps next year you might consider spicing up my Venus Time to compensate me for my loss in 2017.

I believe this would be a cool gesture.

Your Celestial Brother / Sister

[Again, delete away as applicable, bearin’ in mind that these’re jus’ suggestions this time around. You also gotta remember to delete alla these red-highlighted pointers I wrote out forya. Mother Cosmosis may be the spirita generosity an accommodatin’ warmth, but that don’t mean she ain’t immune to the kinda shameful disrespectya see evidenced when people do not remove the price tag from gifts before they hand ‘em over. Also, please add in your name cos it is not to your advantage to remain anonymous when dealin’ with divine beings cos they get confused an’ prolly gonna getya mixed up with sum stoopid frickin’ kitten sumplace — an’ that would be bad for both you an’ felinekind, tellya.]

*** Rockitz ***

Dare to enslipstream the stars.

Your shot — first and last — is all ours.

No echo of blast, no fall.

Firepower blazed over thrall.