Home 2017-11-13T23:26:40+00:00

Astrology Fulla Rompolicious Stoopid For A Planet Packin’ Big Time Frickin’ Crap

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Get Real. Get Off. Get Thrillsum.

Princess Balestra

Astrology Nooz Type Stuffs

Prolly you should try here first.

It is way more sensible than goofin’ around at random.  Trust me.

astrology blog latest posts for horoscopes sign
avocado-themed millennial astrology chart shows 20th Century versus Now

5 REASONS WHY NOO MILLENNIAL ASTROLOGY DIFFERS FROM OWD (MOSTLY WOODEN) HISTORICAL SHIT

Las’ Millennium, Cosmos never even packed alla the planets mosta the time, let alone the swankospanko funsters we know an’ love as Millennials.

So what is in store for Astrology now its weirdsy animal archetypes gotta reposition ’emselves for a whole buncha emergin’ people in a noo thousand year bonanza ain’t happened yet?

An’ what about US also?

In this HOT-AS-A -MICROWAVED-LEPRECHAUN article, I pitch 5 GAZM-PROPULSINREASONS why Noo Millennial Astrology gonna srsly shaft what went on before ….

Bowl Me The Delish!
horoscopes predict the future for starsigns
The stars as SCORPIO horoscope & Pluto starsign forecasts

DEFINITIVE MONTHLY HOROSCOPES PACKIN’ ZILCHO SHWANGO

Alla the astrology. Aries to Pisces. November 2017.

Simple.

Hit Me With MY FUTURE!
astrology blog recent posts for horoscopes sign
joopiter in scorpio starts october 2017

WHAT JOOPITER IN SCORPIO MEANS FOR EVRYBODY

Expansive & Rock-ya-tits Joopiter plunges into Secretive Scorpio for 13 months fulla abject TERROR!

FFS, only kiddin’ — but we all gotta play this baby SUPER SMART cos alla the juicy benefits ain’t no easy win.

Wanna hear more ’bout this? My full report is here,ready to dangle the deets.

Flip Me Dinkily!
follow princess balestra on twitter

SAGITTARIAN PRINCESS ACTION A-ROMP ON TWITTER

Gotta figure catch-all Daily Predictions mebbe ’bout as frickin’ useless as a 100% lambswool DICK, but I drops ’em anyways —

along with razor-sharp insights into contemporary issues bearin’ down on the world, Zombie & Cosplay stuffs,

an’ whatever reactionary assholin’ around takes my fancy.

For Sure I Wanna Suck Onya Tweeties!
latest news from the top astrology website

Whatchya think I am? A frickin’ astrologer?

Hey, but srsly — I figure 2017 still got sum cool surprises waitin’ to be sprung from the gimpo repository — spesho now we rollin’ over into the Scorpio an’ Sagittarius Shimmerola in the run-up to Christmas.

Tellya, I am wearin’ rubber undergarments pretty much 24/7 jus’ so’s I don’t pee myself with astro frickin’ excitement.

But, listen, I knowya all here for the DEFINITIVE ASTROSTUFFS DISHO, so here’s what I got gowin’ down most days…

My blaaahg drops here regular evry Monday, promisin’ plentya cool astrological commentary stuffs (long as I ain’t spent the weekend wankered … or practisin’ Gaelic dancin’, which is my noo favorite excuse for bein’ mortally unreliable).

Further down the line, I got sum HANDY ASTRO GUIDES up for grabs soon as I can get my braino outta my asshole an’ go spellcheck ’em. Shit for each starsign, kinda thing. Drafts’re under my bed rn, but I would hope to have ’em up an’ runnin’ by mebbe 2027.

For random comments, I also got my Tumblr Blaaahg, my Medium Blaaahg, an’ Buzzfeed (though I can’t get no link for that now cos they bein’ assholes).

Way I see it, there is so much hot astro action swooshyin’ around here, I am surprised I don’t spend mosta my days writhin’ round on the floor in a poola my own exooberantly-squirted sweat.

Wanna 5-minnow guided tour? Principally to avoid bein’ labelled LAME by celestial shibboleths incarnate?

Mebbe you should go check out my Handy Horoscope Checklist HERE.

10 top Horoscope Consultation Strategy Tips — downloadable as a dinky freebie!

I also got a real cool Astro Quiz.

Deal here is you get to discover ifya are an astro aficionado (in which case, go check the resta the blaaahg) or not (in which case fuck off the hell outta my face an’ go read sumone else’s dumb schwango).

Heavy dooty shit is here — an’ also HERE.

Risky!

These’re naaaht the cheap seats.

What In Hell Is Astrology —

And Why Should I Care?

You Think I Am Some Sort Of Imbecile, O Princess?

Hey, slow down willya?

I got a lotta balls to juggle here without this kinda aerial bombardmenta inquisition.

Thing is, you should care because we got fusiona past, present an’ future gowin’ on, an’ that is sum happnin’ conflux, tellya.

Walk away from that, you gonna prolly cease to exist as a sentient bein’ fulla potential (unless you are wearin’ leather pants, in which case your inevitable demise might leave the resta us with sumthin’ to remember you by).

Thing is, there is attraction an’ repulsion between material beings.

Throw in hooman emotion, a splasha celestial vapors, an’ alla that is magnified.

Or ain’tcha never kissed no one?

Brief Treatise On Kissin’

Scenario 1 — sum divine figmenta deliciousness touches onya neck all soft an’ sweet…

…equals *instasquee*.

Scenario 2 — Concrete Tongue Stinky Person invades oneya finer crevices by surprise…

…equals BARF! RETCH! PUH-LEEEEEEUUUURRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

See?

Pointa astrology is not rocket science.

Jus’ think for a sec about how an’ whereya are right now.

Everythin’ rolled in from the past jus’ so

…an’ now it is rollin’ out toward…

…what, exactly?

What kinda kissa possibilies?

Howya gonna put sum shape to shit don’t exist yet?

Thing is, Mother Cosmosis is fulla perpetually unfoldin’ stories — gossamerlicious to heartblade twistinya gut — an’ you gotta watch her close, drill down on re-imaginin’ the plotta sum book purportin’ to be already written.

Yeah, mebbe that is my kinda astrology.

You in for summa that or what?

*** Rockitz ***

Dare to enslipstream the stars.

Your shot — first and last — is all ours.

No echo of blast, no fall.

Firepower blazed over thrall.

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“Slither deep into my mystical vestibule, O seekers of Truth Incarnate. I got Netflix, I got Nachos, I got Norwegian Sangria real cheap from the store, so prolly we can party big time while I spill the beans on what it is to be a beautiful ball of human deliciousness stranded in a Universe packing naught but dust and death.”

Mother Cosmosis