Home<span class="sdata2" title="2018-11-03T08:58:24+00:00"></span>

Astrology Fulla Rompolicious Stoopid For A Planet Packin’ Big Time Frickin’ Crap

divine astrologer promoting eternal radianceSlide thumbnail

Get Real. Get Off. Get Thrillsum.

Princess Balestra

Astrology Nooz Type Stuffs

Prolly you should try here first.

It is way more sensible than goofin’ around at random.  Trust me.

astrology blog latest posts for horoscopes sign
Uranus in Taurus transit 2018 is 5 ways revolutionary

URANUS in TAURUS 2018-2026

What happens when the planet packin’ serious lifestyle POOPER POWER hits on the starsign don’t wanna be POOPED on?

Here’s where astrology gets real interestin’ — an’ dishes 5 Killer opportoonities for personal growth an’ global transformation.

You up for that … or you jus’ a frickin’ slacker?

Bowl Me The Delish!
horoscopes predict the future for starsigns
The stars as SCORPIO horoscope & Pluto starsign forecasts


Alla the Astrology. Aries to Pisces. Novembah 2018.


(It is so like you wanna, trooly.)

astrology blog recent posts for horoscopes sign
spring equinox spells trouble for certain


Real deal Noo Year is here — bustin’ outta the trap with adventurous Aries firepower!

So lemme askya a serious question here. This sound to you like the perfect moment to break out a whole buncha stoopid rityool costooms an’ go chant aeons-old poetry in sum loser field fulla lame rocks?

Jus’ like we did las’ year … an’ the year before that … an’ the year  before that … alla the way back to before when we was amoeba?

Or you with me here on a zestily uncertain EXCITEMENT ticket for 2018?

Flip Me Dinkily!
follow princess balestra on twitter


Gotta figure catch-all Daily Predictions mebbe ’bout as frickin’ useless as a 100% lambswool DICK, but I drops ’em anyways —

along with razor-sharp insights into contemporary issues bearin’ down on the world, Zombie & Cosplay stuffs,

an’ whatever reactionary assholin’ around takes my fancy.

For Sure I Wanna Suck Onya Tweeties!
latest news from the top astrology website

Whatchya think I am? A frickin’ astrologer?

Hey, but srsly — I figure 2018 gonna nibble sweet onya astro mojo till soulful purrs erupt from any flapsya got prodooce sound. Joopiter is rockin’ Scorpio’s Underworld tits, Saturn’s constructive powerhouse is back dishin’ the shit in Capricorn for the first time since the early 90s, an’ Uranus is gearin’ up for a monster splashdown in Taurus. That a fuckin’ planetary butt slapper or what? 2017, eat thy lame heart out!

But, listen, I knowya all here for the DEFINITIVE ASTROSTUFFS DISHO, so here’s what I got gowin’ down most days…

My blaaahg drops here Mondays on a sporadic whim, promisin’ plentya cool astrological commentary stuffs (long as I ain’t spent the weekend wankered … or dissolvin’ bath bombs on my boobies, which is my noo favorite excuse for bein’ mortally unreliable).

Further down the line, I got sum HANDY ASTRO GUIDES up for grabs soon as I can get my braino outta my asshole an’ go spellcheck ’em. Shit for each starsign, kinda thing. Drafts’re under my bed rn, but I would hope to have ’em up an’ runnin’ by mebbe 2027.

For random comments, I also got my Tumblr Blaaahg, my Medium Blaaahg, an’ Buzzfeed .

Way I see it, there is so much hot astro action swooshyin’ around here, I am surprised I don’t spend mosta my days writhin’ round on the floor in a poola my own exooberantly-squirted sweat.

Wanna 5-minnow guided tour? Principally to avoid bein’ labelled LAME by celestial shibboleths incarnate?

Mebbe you should go check out my Handy Horoscope Checklist HERE.

10 top Horoscope Consultation Strategy Tips — downloadable as a dinky freebie!

I also got a real cool Astro Quiz an’ a 2018 Primer for anywan lackin’ direction, willpower, resolootion — or a functionin’ braino.

Deal here is you get to discover ifya are an astro aficionado (in which case, go check the resta the blaaahg) or not (in which case fuck off the hell outta my face an’ go read sumone else’s dumb schwango).

Heavy dooty shit is here — an’ also HERE.


These’re naaaht the cheap seats.

What In Hell Is Astrology —

And Why Should I Care?

You Think I Am Some Sort Of Imbecile, O Princess?

Hey, slow down willya?

I got a lotta balls to juggle here without this kinda aerial bombardmenta inquisition.

Thing is, you should care because we got fusiona past, present an’ future gowin’ on, an’ that is sum happnin’ conflux, tellya.

Walk away from that, you gonna prolly cease to exist as a sentient bein’ fulla potential (unless you are wearin’ leather pants, in which case your inevitable demise might leave the resta us with sumthin’ to remember you by).

Thing is, there is attraction an’ repulsion between material beings.

Throw in hooman emotion, a splasha celestial vapors, an’ alla that is magnified.

Or ain’tcha never kissed no one?

Brief Treatise On Kissin’

Scenario 1 — sum divine figmenta deliciousness touches onya neck all soft an’ sweet…

…equals *instasquee*.

Scenario 2 — Concrete Tongue Stinky Person invades oneya finer crevices by surprise…



Pointa astrology is not rocket science.

Jus’ think for a sec about how an’ whereya are right now.

Everythin’ rolled in from the past jus’ so

…an’ now it is rollin’ out toward…

…what, exactly?

What kinda kissa possibilies?

Howya gonna put sum shape to shit don’t exist yet?

Thing is, Mother Cosmosis is fulla perpetually unfoldin’ stories — gossamerlicious to heartblade twistinya gut — an’ you gotta watch her close, drill down on re-imaginin’ the plotta sum book purportin’ to be already written.

Yeah, mebbe that is my kinda astrology.

You in for summa that or what?

*** Rockitz ***

Dare to enslipstream the stars.

Your shot — first and last — is all ours.

No echo of blast, no fall.

Firepower blazed over thrall.


pisces vapes deliver dreams

“Slither deep into my mystical vestibule, O seekers of Truth Incarnate. I got Netflix, I got Nachos, I got Norwegian Sangria real cheap from the store, so prolly we can party big time while I spill the beans on what it is to be a beautiful ball of human deliciousness stranded in a Universe packing naught but dust and death.”

Mother Cosmosis

Gowan — Squirt This Baby Around Like Fizzin' Champagne