Home 2017-10-09T13:56:32+00:00

Astrology Fulla Rompolicious Stoopid For A Planet Packin’ Big Time Frickin’ Crap

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Get Real. Get Off. Get Thrillsum.

Princess Balestra

Astrology Nooz Type Stuffs

Prolly you should try here first.

It is way more sensible than goofin’ around at random.  Trust me.

astrology blog latest posts for horoscopes sign

WHAT JOOPITER IN SCORPIO

MEANS FOR EVRYBODY

Expansive & Rock-ya-tits Joopiter

plunges into Secretive Scorpio

for 13 months fulla abject TERROR!

FFS, only kiddin’ —

but we all gotta play this baby

SUPER SMART

cos alla the juicy benefits

ain’t no easy win.

Wanna hear more ’bout this?

My full report is here,

ready to dangle the deets.

joopiter in scorpio starts october 2017
Bowl Me The Delish!
horoscopes predict the future for starsigns

Alla the astrology.

Aries to Pisces.

October 2017.

Simple.

The signs as LIBRA horoscope Venus starsign
Hit Me With MY FUTURE!

SPECIAL OFFER!

Astro merchandise you’ll simply

ADORE

don’t come much sweeter than THIS BABY.

astrology blog recent posts for horoscopes sign

AUTUMN EQUINOX RITUALS—

YOUR COMPLETE GUIDE

Not evryone got Stonehenge

on their doorstep —

but ritual an’ ceremony abounds.

Thing is, 2017 mebbe demands you rethink

alla your costooms, candles & regalia.

So check out my 5 HOT TIPS for

an Autumn Equinox Ritual

that trooly belongs to YOU…

autumn equinox rituals
Flip Me Dinkily!
latest news from the top astrology website

Whatchya think I am? A frickin’ astrologer?

Hey, but srsly — I figure 2017 got sum cool surprises waitin’ to be sprung from the gimpo repository, spesho now we rolled over into Part II.

My blaaahg drops here regular evry Monday, promisin’ plentya cool astrological commentary stuffs (long as I ain’t spent the weekend wankered … or practisin’ Gaelic dancin’, which is my noo favorite excuse for bein’ mortally unreliable).

Further down the line, I got sum HANDY ASTRO GUIDES up for grabs soon as I can get my braino outta my asshole an’ go spellcheck ’em. Shit for each starsign, kinda thing.

For random comments, I also got my Tumblr Blaaahg & Twitter, an’ if ur telepathic prolly ur spunkoed out if I am partakin’ of a wet dream sumplace.

Way I see it, there is so much hot astro action gowin’ down here, I am surprised I don’t spend mosta my days writhin’ round on the floor in a poola my own exooberantly-squirted sweat.

Wanna 5-minnow guided tour? Principally to avoid bein’ labelled LAME by celestial shibboleths incarnate?

Mebbe you should go check out my Handy Horoscope Checklist HERE.

10 top Horoscope Consultation Strategy Tips — downloadable as a dinky freebie!

I also got a real cool Astro Quiz.

Deal here is you get to discover ifya are an astro aficionado (in which case, go check the resta the blaaahg) or not (in which case fuck off the hell outta my face an’ go read sumone else’s dumb schwango).

Heavy dooty shit is here — an’ also HERE.

Risky!

These’re naaaht the cheap seats.

What In Hell Is Astrology —

And Why Should I Care?

You Think I Am Some Sort Of Imbecile, O Princess?

Hey, slow down willya?

I got a lotta balls to juggle here without this kinda aerial bombardmenta inquisition.

Thing is, you should care because we got fusiona past, present an’ future gowin’ on, an’ that is sum happnin’ conflux, tellya.

Walk away from that, you gonna prolly cease to exist as a sentient bein’ fulla potential (unless you are wearin’ leather pants, in which case your inevitable demise might leave the resta us with sumthin’ to remember you by).

Thing is, there is attraction an’ repulsion between material beings.

Throw in hooman emotion, a splasha celestial vapors, an’ alla that is magnified.

Or ain’tcha never kissed no one?

Brief Treatise On Kissin’

Scenario 1 — sum divine figmenta deliciousness touches onya neck all soft an’ sweet…

…equals *instasquee*.

Scenario 2 — Concrete Tongue Stinky Person invades oneya finer crevices by surprise…

…equals BARF! RETCH! PUH-LEEEEEEUUUURRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

See?

Pointa astrology is not rocket science.

Jus’ think for a sec about how an’ whereya are right now.

Everythin’ rolled in from the past jus’ so

…an’ now it is rollin’ out toward…

…what, exactly?

What kinda kissa possibilies?

Howya gonna put sum shape to shit don’t exist yet?

Thing is, Mother Cosmosis is fulla perpetually unfoldin’ stories — gossamerlicious to heartblade twistinya gut — an’ you gotta watch her close, drill down on re-imaginin’ the plotta sum book purportin’ to be already written.

Yeah, mebbe that is my kinda astrology.

You in for summa that or what?

*** Rockitz ***

Dare to enslipstream the stars.

Your shot, first and last, is all ours.

No echo of blast, no fall.

Firepower, blazed over thrall.

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“Slither deep into my mystical vestibule, O seekers of Truth Incarnate. I got Netflix, I got Nachos, I got Norwegian Sangria real cheap from the store, so prolly we can party big time while I spill the beans on what it is to be a beautiful ball of human deliciousness stranded in a Universe packing naught but dust and death.”

Mother Cosmosis